about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
