I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
