i think my tv is drunk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
