Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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