I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
