I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
