WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
