I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
someone threw a dead crab at me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
