Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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