I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
