Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you had me at cake vodka
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
