i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
