Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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