Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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