I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
