I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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