She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
