I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
