Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
