I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
