I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
