How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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