How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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