i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
