Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
