Can i not drive my cunt home
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
