I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize