Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
