i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize