Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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