Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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