turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
ok first of all what the fuck
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
