just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
