Please don't use social media to get back at me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
