Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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