Fine. I'll sleep in my office
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
