Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
