Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
