You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
