why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
