Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
