Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
