He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
