I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
