can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
