separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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