So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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