You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
