I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
