Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
