My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
