Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
