I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
