I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
