It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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