also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
