a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
