would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
