...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
