the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
