i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
