Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
two words: eviction party
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
