I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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