On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
