Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
