Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
