so explain again why im purple
no
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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