I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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