chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
