I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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