I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
