Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
