it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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